Dear Admin,
I write to you with a heavy heart, not to see if you
can solve my problem but to get my story out to the world to see so that everyone
will understand what I have been experiencing throughout my life time...
I wasn’t born the way I am, I was sick when I was 2
and my mum took me to hospital for treatment and a nurse gave me an expired
injection on my right butt and from that day my right leg became disabled. I
grew up becoming deformed on my right leg, from that day life has become a
living hell for me.
Everyone I know has been treating me like cancer
including my own mother because of my condition. I am the first born child and
the first daughter out of five, 4 girl and 1 boy. Even though I am the first
child my mother treats me as the last, she values my younger siblings more than
me as if I am the cause of my condition. My mother never allows me to go out
and any time I go out she will call me on the phone and starts yelling and ask
me to come back home that I am not supposed to leave the house, left for her
she always wants me locked up in the house and she still beats me up at even at
29 years old, but she treats my younger ones with respect.
5 years ago I gave birth to a boy for a military soldier,
who is an alcoholic and abusive, he beats me up at any slightest opportunity;
this is a relationship that my mother pushed me into because she wanted me to give
birth. She knew that the man is abusive and also knew the sufferings that I was
going through at the hands of this man yet she still insisted I stay with him.
He only made promise to my mother that he will marry
my five years ago or whatever deal he made with my mother on my head that I
don’t know about and that was it, he has never married me since then, he only
uses me as his sex toy. He will keep me in his house and go out because he is not
so comfortable to let me go out with him, I will remain at home to clean, wash,
cook for him, when he gets back at night he eats and hops on top of me to get
his sexual urge out, when he’s satisfied he comes down and sleeps off, he never
says a word to me and I dare not provoke him that day because he will beat me
up and also beat up my son, tomorrow he continues in the same cycle and he will
never care to know how I was doing or his son.
There was a day he was beating my son in my
presence, I couldn’t stand the sight of him flogging my little boy with belt, I
fought him with my last strength that day I unleashed the beast inside of me
that I never thought I had, I poured fuel on his car that he cared so much
about and threatened to set it on fire if he laid one more hand on my boy
again, and that was how he stopped beating him. I might accept him beat me to
some extent but when it comes to my son I cannot allow it. He will bring in
different women into the house and be sleeping with them as often as he likes
and I dare not say a word or I receive humiliations and beatings of my life. I
have anticipated committing suicide many times and in many ways but just for
the sake of my son I have still been going.
One day I ran away from his house and back to my
family house with my son, I told my mother everything that happened but my
mother insists I go back there. She says that no one will marry me because of
my condition and that the soldier is a God sent to me and an opportunity to
stay in a relationship and she forced me to go back to him and this time I
decided to stand my ground. I have left him since 2 months now and he has never
looked for me, though my mother has told him where I was but he has never came
looking for me yet she still wants me back there.
My mother has never been a fan of any of her
daughter’s man beating or humiliating her daughter but my own case is so
different, sometimes I wonder if she is my mother, if my father isn’t late I
probably wouldn’t have experience half of all these humiliations that I have
experienced.
The past 2 months I have been in my family house I
met this guy Fred on social media who has been a very nice gentleman, he knows
my condition yet he still choses to be nice to me. I don’t think that what he
feels for me is sexual but I have never felt this appreciated before in my life
because every guy I have ever known just wants to sleep with me and dump me the
next day. Not that if Fred wants sex from me that I would not have given it to
him or he hasn’t gotten the perfect timing to ask, but he has just been a
perfect gentleman. He knows my story and he has been so brave and trying to
make me feel happy again, I have never felt this alive since I became conscious
of myself.
Since my mother found out about Fred and I, it has
been episodes of drama, one night my mother and I had a serious fight over
Fred’s matter, the fight was so intense that things got smashed in the house,
neighbors had to come and separate us. She told that I will either go back to
the father of my son’s house or I must leave her house, I accepted to leave the
house but I stood my grounds that I was never going to be anyone’s punching bag
anymore, I didn’t sleep in that house that night I had to pass the night at a
neighbor’s house.
The next morning as my mother went to work, I came
home and packed both my things and my son’s things and we both left the house,
Fred was ready to accommodate me and my son so we moved in with Fred who lived
at the next city in the town. Fred has been very supportive since I and my son
moved in with him but I didn’t want to be too much burden to him so I took up a
menial job at a dry gin factory where I worked shifts so I can save up some
money and rent my own apartment.
One day I came home and discovered that Fred and my
son were both missing, Fred’s phone was switched off. I alerted the neighbors
and we searched everywhere but couldn’t find them. I finally discovered that it
was the military man that sent some armed off duty military officers on plain
clothes and they kidnapped them both, this operation was carried out with my
mother who showed them where Fred lives. The following morning I went to the
military man’s house I met my son in a really bad shape, he has been crying all
night to see his mother and his eyes were swollen. I asked about Fred but he
refused to show me where he was, he said I should forget about him.
Meanwhile I immediately moved in with the military
man so as to secure Fred’s release, but after much pleading on Fred’s behalf, Fred
was released 3 days later from a military cell where he was accused of
kidnapping the military man’s son, he was battered and was told to stay away
from us. I felt really bad that my Fred had to go through all that, the only
guy that mattered in my life. Now I feared that he would even want to ever
speak to me again let alone allow me to see him, of course he stopped answering
my calls and I couldn’t eat for days, my only thought was ‘Is Fred really ok?’.
After 1 week of the incident I sneaked to visit Fred
at his house but Fred has already gone and no one seemed to know where Fred lives
now, he has changed his line and has moved on. Till today I still live with him
in his house. Fred was the only man that showed me real love that a woman in my
condition has never felt. I cannot breathe without smelling Fred, now my heart
is heavy and am drowning; my life has never been the same. Please tell me what
I should do.
Chi,
Onitsha….
Dear Chi,
Am sorry you had to experience all those
predicament, but sometimes our parents add more to our problems than they ever
solve, in this case your mother has caused you more harm than good but she will
obviously think that she’s doing what’s best for you, If what’s best for you
doesn’t add up to your happiness, then that thing is not best for you. Just
take it a step at a time, I believe that Fred will still cross your path again
or someone else like Fred. Just a little patience and faith and you will have a
course to smile again. My heart reaches out to you dear and to every other
woman experiencing the same agony as you, there is light at the end of every
tunnel. Good luck…….
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