Wouldn't it be great to
have the girl you want green-eyed with envy and madly competing for you?
It'd
be awesome... right?
Well, as you know, there are two sides to every coin. On the one
side you have the oftentimes huge spike in attraction and investment you gain
from a girl when she realizes she's jealous over you.
And
on the other side... you risk becoming too aloof, too hard to get, and losing her altogether.
But, no risk, no reward, as they say. Learning how to make
a girl jealous can be another mighty weapon in your seducer's arsenal.
If you're not careful though, it can be a weapon you end up using with
devastating effect... on yourself.
My intention here is to walk you through the mechanics of
jealousy, using jealously plotlines to drive attraction and investment, and
walking the tightrope between making girls chase you and sending them off
ablaze in search of vengeance and validation.
As with any powerful technique, I must of course warn
you... caveat emptor. Proceed here at your own discretion -- and at
your own risk.
THE
MECHANICS OF JEALOUSY
"Love sees sharply; hatred sees even more sharp. But
jealousy sees the sharpest -- for it is love and hate at the same time."
~ Arab proverb
Jealousy's a fascinating emotion. I've studied it rather closely
over the course of my life -- it's a mighty changer of emotions and even life
paths.
The ability to elicit strong emotions is the nuclear power of
seduction: capable of lighting up a city (when used judiciously) or of razing
one (when used clumsily or vengefully).
If I had to define jealousy in under 10 words, I'd define it
thus:
Jealousy is wanting control where one has it
not.
As such, certain kinds of individuals are more susceptible to it
than others. Namely, those who like control and/or are accustomed to being in
control.
You can quickly see how jealousy could be big for beautiful,
high status women.
The way jealousy works is basically like this:
- When someone you think ought to
want you very much seems preoccupied with someone else, you begin to want
to regain that person's attentions
- When someone you like seems
preoccupied with someone else, you begin to fear losing them, and pursue
them harder
If you're familiar with the basic tenets of investment, it works
thus: the more time, emotion, and energy you spend on something, the
more invested in it you become, and the more and more highly you come to value
it.
When you become jealous over a girl -- or she becomes jealous
over you -- the desire to have that which you're jealous about very quickly
escalates how much you value that person.
For that reason, we might say jealousy can supercharge
attraction.
But there's a catch -- make someone too jealous,
and she won't be able to handle not having what she wants (you), and instead
will strike off to hurt you back and show you what you're missing out on by not
being with her.
Enter something I call the "Jealousy Scale":
Obviously, the X, or horizontal, axis is the degree of jealousy;
lesser to the left, greater to the right.
The vertical Y axis, though, is a little more curious: we might
call it attraction, though the kinds of attraction at the opposite ends of the
scale are of completely different natures: one is disinterest, while
the other is disdain.
This is because of how amounts of jealousy affect people's
emotions.
You might notice this isn't a standard bell curve distribution.
It's a soft, gradual arc up to attraction; but a pretty precipitous drop off
into the abyss of stone-hearted resentment if you go past the peak. I'll offer
the disclaimer that this is based purely on my own experiences and countless
anecdotes I've come across and had shared with me, but jealousy seems to work
very much like this:
1. On the far left of the curve, a woman has no
feelings about a man and he is unvalued.
2. A little more to the right, she begins to feel
some stirrings of possessiveness, and is rather invested and interested in him.
3. At the peak of the curve, she's very
possessive and jealous about him, and feels a strong degree of attraction and
is given to pursuit.
4. Past that peak though, as jealousy builds to
an even greater extent, she becomes resentful and disdainful of this man, and
wishes to hurt him and exact revenge -- or at the very least be rid of his
presence.
So actually, the two ends of the curve are qualitatively
different.
The opposite of love is not hate. It's disinterest. Therefore, emotions
trend increasingly strong to the right the greater the emotion gets -- but
those emotions cross a threshold from being very good for the seducer to being
very bad.
You can use jealousy to move women out of disinterest and into
interest, and even ramp things up to the point where girls are chasing
you. But you must be aware that making a girl jealous is playing with
fire -- and overdoing it means there's a very good chance you might
end up getting burned.
WHEN
MAKING A GIRL JEALOUS BACKFIRES
I'll tell you a quick story so you know what I mean.
Back in mid-2006, when I was still pretty green, I was going
through a phase of seeing how fast I could physically escalate with girls in nightclubs. I was getting two-minute
make-outs and that sort of thing. It wasn't particularly effective at getting
girls to come home with me, but it was fun.
One girl I met one night I had on the dance floor with me and
had my hands under her bra and in her panties within seven minutes of meeting her,
and we were making out heavily.
"I have a really interesting ceiling at home," I told
her. "I think you should come see it."
"Okay," she said. We headed for the door, but just as
we were about to exit, her friends appeared out of nowhere to snatch her away.
"Call me!" she cried.
I called her and texted her a few
times the next week, but of course, she didn't answer my calls and she didn't text back.
The very next weekend, however, I ran into her and three of her
girlfriends at the very same nightclub. She seemed only lukewarm toward me, so
I decided to get her friends attracted to me. I'd run a jealousy plotline.
I started talking to her friends, and they all liked me. Soon
she warmed up to me too. She even began competing for my attention. But, I
decided to really ramp up her attraction, and largely ignored
her to continue talking to her friends. This went on for about ten minutes --
but, then, I noticed she'd stopped paying me any attention. So at last, I
turned my focus onto her.
She was ice cold.
"You know," she told me, "if you like someone,
you should try talking to her." Then she turned and
walked off, and I didn't ever see her again.
I'd overdone the jealousy and sent her into auto-rejection.
I've seen scads of guys doing this again and again. A friend of
mine was doing it quite a lot, recently; he's a pretty cool and sexy guy, and
he was already getting pretty solid attraction from girls, but he just felt
like he always needed more, so he'd spin off from girls to go meet new girls to
show the ones whom he'd been talking to previously how strong and successful
and non-needy and desirable he was.
And it just kept on backfiring on him. The girls who were crazy about him
earlier would end up making out with other guys in front of him, even going
home with other guys, sometimes while staring at him explicitly as if to say,
"This is what you're missing out on."
He did such a good job creating jealousy in these girls that he
pushed them past that ledge, and they descended rapidly into auto-rejection.
Filled with resentment, they did whatever they could to show him the error of
his ways.
"I don't get it," he remarked, "these girls seem
to really like me, and then they just act so cold and heartless later on!"
I pointed out to him that their actions were actually reactions
to his actions, and he started scaling back the jealousy he'd
previously been inspiring so much of. The change he saw was more or less
immediate -- as soon as he took it a little easier on the jealousy plotlines.
WHEN
MAKING A GIRL JEALOUS WORKS
I'll tell you one more story.
I was out one night in a lounge with a group of people,
including a girl I'd slept with a few weeks earlier who was all over me at the
lounge, and another girl I was interested in. A tall, beautiful girl I'd told
to come showed up just as I was leaving with some of that group, and stroked my
face lustily as I walked out.
At the next party I and some of the folks from that lounge ended
up at, I turned things around with a girl who earlier was ice cold to me (she
ended up giving me her phone number), all the while chatting up another girl
who was cute but seemed more or less indifferent to me and had been there at
the lounge earlier and come with us all to the party.
About 2 AM, I got a phone call from that tall, beautiful girl
asking me to come to her apartment, but I, in my drunken stupor, instantly
forgot her address and asked her to repeat it, and she, worried I'd get in an
accident, refused to give it to me again. We debated my drunkenness for about
30 minutes on the phone, but I never did manage to get her to repeat her
address.
Meanwhile, that cute, indifferent girl had born witness to all
of this, me charming one girl after another, and gradually warmed up to me more
and more. After I got off the phone with the girl who'd invited me to her
apartment, I had another drink with the formerly indifferent girl -- and then
we went back to my place and I took her to bed.
Her seeing me with those other girls shook her out of her apathy
for me, and made her start seeing me as somebody desirable to be with. At the beginning of the night, I'd been
at the far left of the scale -- not valued.
But on the weight primarily of a handful of jealousy plotlines
throughout the night (with a little deep diving on the side), I moved up to somewhere between somewhat
interested and intensely interested, and we ended up becoming lovers. I doubt I
would've ended up with that particular girl without the attention from the
other girls I received before her.
So, as it turns out, while making a girl jealous can be
dangerous, it can also be highly beneficial toward your seductions. Because
of that, this is something to play around with as a beginner, and something to
really look to implement at least somewhat seriously once you're at an
intermediate level.
HOW
TO MAKE A GIRL JEALOUS
Usually I try to stay away from posting anything that might
remotely be construed as "being manipulative." I like to operate from
the light side of the force whenever and wherever possible.
This is just one of those things though that there's really no
way I can talk about it without sounding like I'm telling guys to be
manipulative, though. Ah well. Can't win 'em all.
In any event, before anyone starts pointing fingers about it,
compare these Google searches:
- "how to make her jealous": 19,900,000
results
- "how to make HIM jealous": 43,600,000
results
Ladies, if you don't want us talking about this, all I can say
here is... you started it.
;)
Women are the masters of jealousy plotlines. Most of what I know
about how to make someone else jealous I learned from watching club queens who were experts at
working the nightclub scene. Girls are good at this; it's one
of their premiere social control tools.
As they say though, what's good for the goose is good for the
gander, and what works here for women works for men as well.
What's great is, we can sift it all down to a few essential
steps to get you off and running and get girls going a little crazier for you
and chasing you a little harder. So, without any further ado, here's how
to make a girl jealous:
1. Talk to her a little first to wet her
appetite. It's very
difficult to make a girl jealous who's never met you before. She has to at
least know who you are and like you a little bit (usually)
before a jealousy plotline begins to kick in. Banter with her a bit, build some
rapport, and generally just be your usual attractive self for at least a few
minutes.
2. Make subtle, casual conversation with a girl
near her. The keys here
are threefold: subtle, casual, and near her.
These keys are essential to minding the Law of Least Effort and ensuring
that your social maneuverings appear effortless and natural. I made the
mistakes early on of awkwardly shifting gears to talk to new women, or striking
out to search the entire venue for another girl to meet, often out of eye- and
ear-shot, which didn't do very much for inspiring jealousy.
3. Again, mind
the subtlety. This one is important enough
that I'm listing it out here again. What just about every guy does wrong here
is make his flirting with a girl overt. But if she
liked you when you talked earlier, flirting overtly is
almost always going to be too much.
You'll trigger too much jealousy in her, and push her into auto-rejection.
Women aren't superheroes; they feel jealousy and uncertainty and worry just like
everyone else. Letting her see you talking to another girl is more than enough
most of the time; she doesn't need to see the two of you becoming bosom buddies
too.
4. Make it short. This is another common mistake, and one
I was as guilty of as anyone else: turning a jealousy plotline into a
full-blown seduction. You're trying to move things forward with Girl
A, not Girl B. Don't lose sight of which girl you're there for. Get in, make
some casual conversation with Girl B, and then, after four or five minutes, end
it and get back to the girl you're there for. Too much longer and you
risk losing her.
One of the credos I live by when it comes to meeting and
succeeding with women is "keep your eye on the ball," and that's just
as important when it comes to making girls jealous as it is with anything
else. Run your jealousy plotline, but don't forget the main reason
you're there -- to move things forward with the girl you like. And
you can't do that while you're talking with someone else.
So, don't be afraid to use jealousy as a tool with girls who are
only lukewarm in their interest to you, but be very careful about overdoing it
with girls who already like you.
In fact, that's your top indicator for when to use jealousy and
when not to:
- Use jealousy with girls who are
lukewarm or not all that interested in you or invested
- Don't use it with girls who already like you a lot.
Instead, focus on moving things forward with those girls with speed and
decisiveness
Stick to that plan, and you'll be a heart-stealing, jealousy-inspiring
lady killer in no time. Just remember that it's staying on the tightrope that
makes all the difference.
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