How To Overcome Your Anxiety To Start A Conversation: Get Over Your Shyness

I get it ladies. We want men to be old school: to pursue us and be ballsy. What happened to these guys? Where are they? Today they all seem to act too cool for school, like they can’t be bothered. And this isn’t the way to a woman’s heart.

But we have to understand that they only “act” this way because they’re shy and they’re afraid of rejection. You can relate to that, can’t you? The cool thing is that we, women, have a unique ability to bring out the ballsy pursuer in a man by letting him know that his attentions are welcome.

These 3 moves work every time. The first two are self-explanatory. But the third is all about creating opportunities for the man to relate to you.

If you’ve smiled and made eye contact and he’s made the effort to say “Hi. How are you?” Don’t answer with “Fine.” Instead give Too Much Information (TMI). For example, “Great! I went to the beach this weekend and threw a Frisbee around and to be totally honest, my back is so sore. Haha. I haven’t played Frisbee since I was little and I went camping with my family on the coast.”

See how that’s done? Now he can connect with being sore, playing sports, beach days, summer, family, growing up, camping trips, etc., giving him the opportunity to relate to you.

That’ll knock the shy right out of him.

Guys, it’s natural to get tongue tied when you’re attracted to a girl.

Nobody wants to feel rejected. This stress causes increased blood flow to the fight or flight center of the brain–rather than the talking part of the brain—leaving you with nothing to say.

The secret to lessening this anxiety is the recognition that women really appreciate guys taking the risk to reveal their interest. They feel relieved when he makes the first move to start a conversation.

Don’t worry so much about how you sound. Your interest in her and your willingness to take the risk of looking foolish or tongue-tied is a plus. It means you don’t take yourself so seriously. This is much more impressive than a “smooth talker.”

Conversation skills take practice, and it’s easier when you practice with someone you’re not attracted to. So in social settings, practice being friendly. Make eye contact and connect with people whenever you are out and about. Smile at people in line for the movie. And whenever someone asks you a seemingly boring question like, “How are you?” Like Lauren suggests in Mars Venus Dating, practice giving them “Too Much Information!” For guys, just make sure after talking for a minute, that you pause and give her a chance to talk. As a rule of thumb, never talk more than she.