Chronicles Of Love Turn Sour

Hi Francis,

This is new to me but I think a problem shared is a problem solved. I will try my best to keep it simple and cut the story short.

Ok so I met this girl on social media, Badoo to be précise sometime 4 year ago that was in 2014. We exchanged phone numbers on badoo and so I called her and she invited me to her work place. Then she worked at a particular drink factory somewhere around airport road Jabi. I finally drove down to the factory one day after series of invitations with a company vehicle which I was using at that time. I was there the girl showed up at the gate. My first thought was wow she looks pretty, girl has all the qualities I need in a wife eg she’s 6 foot tall, pretty and looked reserved but when I got to relate with her I wouldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed a bit because she exhibited some features on an Onitsha brought up girl (come and buy me this, come and buy me that, come and carry me from work etc) besides her English had an accent so immediately I lost interest.

From that moment we didn’t see each other again but she kept in contact once in a while through calls and whatsapp. Until early 2017, three years later I was going through difficult times, I lost my job and was going through a fresh heart ache from the girl I was planning to marry left me for some other dude who promised her marriage by Easter. She chatted me up one evening and suddenly I remembered her again, so I arranged a meet at my house the next day and she showed up.

We did some catching ups, I told her about my past predicament and how eager I am to start a new relationship to forget about my past one. She asked about my car and I told her it was a company vehicle, it was on that day I proposed a relationship but you know some girls na ‘I don’t do boyfriend and girlfriend anymore’ but to cut it short she accepted.

We went on for some couple of weeks until I started noticing some attitude, she was kind of dominating, she wants to keep talking and I listen, deliberately always interrupting me while am trying to make a point, waving my ideas aside just to give me her own mature and wise opinion, bro this girl was all about being too wise. Coupled with the dilemma of being out of job and previous heartbreak, and now her? My life was already a living hell. Of course we had constant fallouts but then she was as eager as I was to iron out issues because age was no longer on her side, but then it was her eagerness to sort things out that really humbled me and kept us going.

Guys I took her to meet my people, the ones living here in Abuja and introduced her as my wife to become, we even went to a church together to enquire about marriage classes. Long story short she got me to propose, we went to purchase an engagement ring together and I engaged her inside the market restaurant where we bought the ring. This is a girl that I have never seen the four walls of her apartment because she always kept me at the gate, her reason was that she had landlord issues guys, anytime I bring it up of course to her, she was the more mature one in the relationship. Either she flags it as junk talk or changes the subject.

The quarrel that marked the beginning of the end of our relationship was the day we were supposed to have a meeting to discuss further plans for our union since after our engagement, We planned a meeting which she failed 3 times to attend, her reasons was that hated the venues they are too local for her to be there. From that moment I recalled and realized that she has never said yes out rightly to any request or suggestion that I have made and she had never compromised to anything, there is always her own version of everything which is always the best. On that particular day I asked her to meet me at a particular garden at wuse 2 where I was already waiting for her, but of course the garden was too local for her so she asked me to meet her at a garden inside the estate where she lives. Not that I couldn’t meet her there as usual but on that day I was so busy trying to meet up with a schedule and besides I have vowed on that day that she must accept what I asked. We had the meeting postponed again this time I was really furious at her on the phone so our tone was getting high then I had to drop the call on her.

It wasn’t up to 5 minutes later her call started coming in, I was contemplating on answering then when I finally picked the call, I was trying to make her reason with me that we don’t get things done until I have to be the one to compromise on everything….. Even the smallest of things that doesn’t mean anything, there must be her own version of it. I didn’t know it went too far to hurt her ego, and then she started raining insults on me, called me rubbish and ended the call.

My mind was already made up to tell her I was quitting the relationship anytime her call enters my phone. Long story short we didn’t hear from each other until a week later she called me to know how I was doing, I broke the news to her but she sounded unbothered, that was fine by me all I wanted was to quit the relationship so I demanded for my ring back and she said she will be bringing it to my house. When she showed up she tried to talk about what happened then we had another argument. The problem was that she justified all her actions and never saw any fault she committed. By the way when we finally settled we got back again but now the relationship was really tensed because it was no longer peaceful. The sooner she realized she could not really control me as she really thought the more she became desperate to up her game which only headed towards disaster, now ladies where is the wisdom in that?

The other day she proposed an agreement, it was a handwritten agreement that contained a list of our dos and don’ts in our union which she termed ‘List of our union bounding marriage proposal’. She suggested that we must sign it before we go into marriage and she verbally told me that if I divorce her after marriage or fall out of the agreement, she was going to sue me for 100million naira……lol. Crazy right? She gave me a copy and asked me to sigh. Below is an image of the agreement written and signed by her.

We went for blood testing at a hospital but we didn’t succeed because we weren’t there in time so she blamed everything on me, it looked like we wanted to have a quarrel on our way from the hospital so I bailed and left her there. With the thoughts going through my head if I really made the right decision I decided to call her back, that was when she rained more abuses on me on the phone.

It took us a month to start talking again so I demanded we meet and the location was on her terms as usual. When we started having a conversation she bragged about a rich guy that was coming to her village on the December to do her introduction, that the guy owns houses in Gwarimpa, wuse and the rest. I sensed it was a bluff because no guy would hook up with her and wants to do her intro that fast (like in four months time), probably not a rich guy and most of all not with her kind of attitude. She was returning my ring with pride and all shoulders high hoping I will roll on the ground and beg her to come back to me. I only wished her well and advised her to change her attitude so she can last with this other guy because I don’t think any guy would want to tolerate her the far I have tolerated.

Now how far with this rich guy that wants to do your introduction? This is February now, could he have been an imaginary rich guy? Stories after stories that’s all she tells.

From what I have read, the lady might not actually be into you, she might just be trying to settle down for just the sake and that is one of the wrong reasons to get married. I can sense your frustration on your post but since you always still find your way back to her every time she rained curses on you shows that you really loved or still love her. My advice, pick up yourself and move on, she might just not be the lady for you.