9 Reasons You Are Still Single

If you have been in the dating game for a while, and you are still single, the frustration can be enough to drive you crazy. That nagging question just gets louder and louder… “Is it me?”

 You are amazing, and I wouldn’t tell you think unless I thought I could help you… But you, maybe. It might be you.

There are a lot of bad habits that singles fall into, and if you are guilty of one or two of them, recognizing it and keep it in check may be the key to opening up doors to longer lasting, quality relationships. If you are still single here are a few things to watch out for that could be holding you back.

1. You are trying too hard
Trying too hard can manifest itself in lots of ways, shapes, and sizes—from being too eager, to working too hard to impress someone, or to simply over-doing it. But a good way to tell if you are trying too hard is to take stock of your anxiety levels as you are seeing someone new. People who are overly nervous about the success of a relationship tend to act in overeager ways, which can put a lot of unintentional pressure on your counterpart and cause them to take a step back.

2. You care more about having a “one” than finding the one.
If you have fantacized the idea of having that special someone to the degree that you lose sight of what a quality relationship looks like, this could be your problem. Settling for anyone that is interested in you just so you have got a hand to hold doesn’t make for a lasting relationship. Make a list of your non-negotiables when it comes to a partner, and adhere to it religiously.

3. You are wounded.
Self-preservation can be sneaky in that sometimes, you don’t even realize you are doing it. If you have gotten out of a rocky relationship and find that you are afraid you will get hurt again or repeat past mistakes, you may be sabotaging your own dating efforts by chasing unavailable options or going after someone you know you are not compatible with. Being ready for a relationship after a bad break up can take a while, and if you find you are not quite ready, that’s totally fine, regardless of pressures that friends or family may be putting on you. Work on taking care of yourself first!

4. Your expectations are too high.
While you should never settle for less than you deserve, it’s important to concede that everyone is human, and mistakes and missteps are unavoidable, especially as two people are starting to get to know each other. If you find yourself lusting after Mr. RMD’s characters, but are perpetually disappointed in your real life dating options because they don’t know how to dress, or how to be romantic, or have your perfect crush’s face, you may just need a reality check. Stop comparing because you will still compare when you have your perfect crush.

5. Your expectations are too low.
Just like having too-high expectations can cause you to pull the plug prematurely, having too-low expectations can cause you not to try at all. If you write off everyone you meet as a heartbreaker, gold digger, you may be afraid to put yourself out there. If you find yourself saying, “They are great, but they will never be interested in me,” then you need to find ways to boost your self-esteem. Either way, working up the bravery to try and maybe fail is much easier said than done, but it’s totally necessary.

6. You’re relying too much on Social media dating.
People find their partners on Facebook, Instagram, and other social media, and of course they happen. But if you’re convinced that the one for you will fall into your lap when you least expect it, and then spend all your weekends eating cheese and watching Telemundo or Zee world at home, the likelihood that the universe will deliver is really thin. You have gotta meet the cosmos halfway. Take a shower, get out there, and let the love of your life bump into you in a place where they won’t have to know your address first.

7. You’re looking in the wrong places.

If you are only attracted to God fearing church goers, trying to pick up all your dates at different churches, and then get disappointed when there is lots of competition and fake cover ups, you need to broaden your horizons. If you only ever go out at a certain expensive bar or restaurant, and the clientele there tends to be high rollers and you can only afford to hang with them for a week, hit a local joint and explore.  Mixing it up isn’t guaranteed to be fruitful, but if you’re in a rut when it comes to your usual dating habits, break them!

8. You fall too hard too fast.
Controlling lovesick emotions is near impossible, but if this tends to be the reason people slowly back away from you, examine any patterns you see and ask yourself why. What is making you fall so hard? Is it a certain personality trait? Are you a sucker for someone who’s hard to get? If you can catch the traits that shove you over the cliff early, you may be able to manage them. If you can never resist a wealthy guy, and his dating profile lists that he has two mansions, brace yourself for the possibility that you may let this fact cloud your judgment and do your best to police your reactions.

9. You are unavailable.
When it comes down to it, dating takes time and effort. If you’re focused on your career, love traveling as much as you can, prefer to spend your free time on your hobbies, or let your friends monopolize your social life, connecting with someone new could be difficult. It may be as simple as finding someone who already exists where the components of your life intersect. But if you have trouble meeting people in your day-to-day life and you wonder why the few dates you’ve been on fall to the wayside, it may be worth asking yourself how much attention you’re actually investing in the dating game, and whether you can step it up a notch.