When a relationship is brand new, everything seems perfect: the sex is
good, you’re still super curious and into each other, and, well, the sex is
good. But as your relationship grows and develops, you are bound to run into
obstacles and relationship issues that will test your love.
But here’s the bright side: you’re not alone.
In fact, relationship challenges are common for most long-term relationships
and there are a lot of issues that are perfectly normal but important to
address.
We talked with individual and couples
therapist about the major relationship issues everyone encounters to find out
how to navigate them.
1.
Taking each other for granted
After couples have been in a relationship for
a while, they tend to dial down the level of effort they put into the
relationship. The small gestures that couples used to make for each other
at the beginning of a relationship, are no longer being appreciated and partners
begin to feel undervalued. This is a grave mistake, because with this attitude,
a relationship goes stale, becomes boring, one or both partners stop putting
effort into how they treat each other or look in front of each other, and they
don’t pay attention to one another and basically become disconnected
emotionally and sexually.” To remedy this, we advise couples to be more aware
of how they behave and act in your relationship. “Make sure you connect on
regular basis, and ask yourself all the time, ‘what can I do to make him or her
happier? How can I be more attractive to my mate?’” Otherwise, an emotional or
sexual involvement with someone else could occur.
2.
The sex is boring
Action in the bedroom is bound to decrease as
a relationship develops, thanks to changes in sexual desire, disconnected schedules,
and just plain boredom. People stop being romantic or the sex is monotonous,
infrequent and unsatisfying. Often this happens slowly overtime as other life
pressures come around, especially with couples with kids. Often time kids
become a priority over a spouse and while that spouse seems understanding,
there is resentment and distance. This is very problematic since sex and
romance are vital to any good relationship and most people will eventually seek
it somewhere else.
It’s important for couples to prioritize sex.
It’s critical to think about sex in your relationship, and create time and
space for it. It’s also important to take trips, even short ones alone, away
from kids and work, to be alone, to reconnect and to be physically close.
3.
You don’t have fun anymore
One of the most common relationship
issues for couples that have been together for awhile is to start experiencing
less fun and excitement in their relationship because the novelty of a new love
has worn off. Gone are the days of spontaneous road trips to the beach, or
surprise pillow fights in bed. But all work and no play makes a relationship a
dull one. Many people in long term relationships do not do new things and
become complacent in making plans that are just fun. It’s important to think
about the beginning of your relationship and remember all the fun and varied
things you did. You need to think of what used to be fun for you two and why it
stopped happening. To inject more fun into your relationship, try looking into
new things that you and your partner can do together, like a sports league or a
new hobby.
4.
Old wounds remain unhealed
Past hurts can disrupt a connection and
slowly pull at a relationship until it ultimately untangles. Over a long
relationship many old conflicts and resentments are not healed or dealt with. These
create a great divide between partners and lead to disconnection. Unresolved
anger makes you feel alone. Feeling alone in a relationship defeats the reason
for relationship. We recommend continuing to discuss your problems and issues
with your partner. Attending couples therapy is another suggestion. Above all, don’t
forget that sweeping anger under the rug does not work, it leads to bigger
problems.
Part of growing together and creating a
strong, healthy relationship is learning how to deal with obstacles and
problems even when things aren’t that great between you. By becoming
aware of and confronting relationship issues as they arise, you’ll develop
an even stronger, fresher relationship and can even became closer than you’d
ever thought.
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