Do You Allow Your Lady To Pay The Bill On A Date?

Hey Hplus-

I get mixed messages about who pays on a date. Letting the lady sometimes pay for me makes me feel like I’m less independent, less of a man and needy. When she calls the waiter to make the payment, I worry if she thinks I’m taking advantage. 



I appreciate the gesture, but do I have to worry about letting her do this? We all know the African way that a man always provides and I don’t want her to insult me one day cos of this

–K

We all carry assumptions about how that first date bill should be handled but, unfortunately, talking about who’s paying for what is more socially unacceptable than having un-met expectations. Without open communication, it’s easy to end up disappointed:

Perhaps more women would feel better about having the bill paid for. If you want to avoid drama surrounding who pays for the date, remember these three things:

1. If your date pays, consider it a demonstration of interest. And, for that reason, you should be flattered.

2. If you were asked out on the date, it’s perfectly appropriate to expect the asker to take care of the check. At the same time, there’s nothing wrong with offering to contribute if it makes you feel better.

3. If your date insists on taking the bill, just let him or her do so. Don’t end your date back and forth over a couple of entrees. It’s just not worth it.

If your date ends up paying, don’t dwell on it. Treat the paid bill as you would a gift. Just say ‘thanks’, have fun, and enjoy the way it feels for someone who wants to show you a good time.